I'm bored.
Bored!
Bored!
Revision is boring!
Just thought I'd state the obvious :-)
Thursday, 31 May 2007
Saturday, 26 May 2007
Stress
STRESS - When the body can no longer fight the urge to choke the living shit out of some asshole who really deserves it.
Thursday, 24 May 2007
Out of time
ARGH!!!!!! You're such a stupid fucking idiot! Why are you being so lazy!? What have you done tonight!? You've sat, played on the laptop, watched TV and eaten ice cream. YOU HAVE AN EXAM TOMORROW MORNING!!!!! Why have you not put your head in a book and revised! You're not exactly clever. You wont pass by blagging your way through. YOU WONT PASS! You're going to fail. You're going to end up being a stupid, fat disappointment all your life!
Wednesday, 23 May 2007
The Penis
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
The Penis
_____________________________________
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have risen, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work eight hours straight.
2. You fall asleep after brief work periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative.
6. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
7. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
8. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
9. You will retire well before you are 65.
10. You are unable to work double shifts.
11. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
12. And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely
Management
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
The Penis
_____________________________________
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have risen, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work eight hours straight.
2. You fall asleep after brief work periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative.
6. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
7. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
8. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
9. You will retire well before you are 65.
10. You are unable to work double shifts.
11. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
12. And if that were not enough, you are constantly seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely
Management
Sunday, 20 May 2007
Saturday, 19 May 2007
Alex
I'm worried. My brother just came in and hugged me for no apparent reason. He came up stairs just to hug me. VERY worried!
Thursday, 17 May 2007
Mrs Quasimodo
‘Because it’s better, isn’t it, to be well formed.
Better to be slim, be slight,
your slender neck quoted between two thumbs;
and beautiful, with creamy skin,
and tumbling auburn hair,
those devastating eyes;
and have each lovely foot
held in a bigger hand
and kissed;
then be watched till morning as you sleep,
so perfect, venerable and young
you hurt his blood.
And given sanctuary.
But not betrayed.
Not driven to an ecstasy of loathing of yourself;
banging your ugly head against a wall,
gaping in the mirror at your heavy dugs,
your thighs of lard,
your mottled upper arms;
thumping your belly-
look at it-
your wobbling gut.
You pig. You stupid cow. You fucking buffalo.
Abortion. Cripple. Spastic. Mongol. Ape’
Better to be slim, be slight,
your slender neck quoted between two thumbs;
and beautiful, with creamy skin,
and tumbling auburn hair,
those devastating eyes;
and have each lovely foot
held in a bigger hand
and kissed;
then be watched till morning as you sleep,
so perfect, venerable and young
you hurt his blood.
And given sanctuary.
But not betrayed.
Not driven to an ecstasy of loathing of yourself;
banging your ugly head against a wall,
gaping in the mirror at your heavy dugs,
your thighs of lard,
your mottled upper arms;
thumping your belly-
look at it-
your wobbling gut.
You pig. You stupid cow. You fucking buffalo.
Abortion. Cripple. Spastic. Mongol. Ape’
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