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I'm disappointed in myself.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK THIS.

No matter...

No matter how crappy i feel sometimes, whether people know or not, i still can't help to smile when my friends are happy. So a HUGE well done for passing, and thank you SOOOO much for cheering me up in a way that you don't even know you have. It makes me thank God i'm alive.

I don't want to feel like this any more.

I'm confused

Do i do what's right and what i normally would stand for or do i do what i really want?

Fed up of being alone.

I’m fed up of thinking that today will be the day that someone will come along and say they want me. Say that they want to hold me tight, protect me, kiss me. Each day I wake up thinking the same thing and it never happens. Then I come back home thinking it will be tomorrow. But it never is. I shouldn’t be so picky. I should ‘put myself on the market’. But I don’t know how. I’m always this happy girl who’s ‘not bothered’ by being alone. I’m fed up of being alone. What they don’t know is that every time I see a couple my heart hurts. Why can’t it be me? I get so jealous and I hate that. I just want to feel loved. There must be someone out there for me. There just has to be. I know I’m not that pretty and I’ll never be beautiful but people say that shouldn’t matter. Apparently even my weight shouldn’t matter, as other fat people are loved by someone. That just leaves my personality-insecure-immature-a masquerade. I just don’t know how to change. I put on this front trying to be ‘attractive’ and it doesn’t work. I don’t want to be alone like this forever or be with someone just because no one else will have me but I’m scared I might be.

2 hours worth of work amounts to...

Hitler and the Nazi State: Power and Control, 1933-39

Using the evidence if sources 1,2 and 3 and your own knowledge how popular was the nazi regime in Germany in the years 1933-39?

The Nazi regime was crap. Hitler was an ass. Nuff said.

I HATE YOU

I see you as a friend now. I know that's all you'll ever be. I know it will never go any further again. but

SOMETIMES I HATE YOU!!!!

(but i still love you)

I don't mean to. I hate the fact you don't know how i still feel about you. You don't realise that it breaks my heart when you tell me what 'she' wants to do with you. 'She's' not bad or anything but i know 'she' suits you better than i ever would. That's what kills me inside.

But sometimes (just sometimes), i like it that you tell me these things. It means you trust me. Then i still feel close to you. And i know that she doesn't like us talking. And i like how you complain about her to me.

Does that make me a bad person?

I just wish that you don't do what 'she' wants if you don't want it (and it sounds like you don't).

Please do what keeps you happy.

Please don't think i'm a bad person.

I hope you tell me more next time i see you. That way there's still something between us. 'She' wont like that.

...

I'm just about ready to give up.




I hate feeling like this.




Why is my smile so believable.

It's all started again and i don't know what to do.