Letting go of that girl before.

I feel like me again.
I like it.
I’m happy and smiling and feel like I deserve to have friends.
I’m positive.
I’m a daughter again.
A friend again.

I’m almost all me again, but I know that I could change into her again. She’s stored herself at the back of my mind so that I can never be free of her.
I don’t want to be her again.
That girl who was lonely.
Hated herself.
Despised her own reflection.
Put up walls so that no one could see within, just so that no one else would feel like she did, but just making things worse for herself.
That girl who felt trapped in her own head. The jumble of thoughts, emotions, work.
That girl who thought she had control…but really it was controlling her, what she was, what she whore, what she said, thought and did.

I don’t want to be her again.

New start. New outlook. Out with the old and in with the new.
But some old things you can never let go of. Or they just never let go of you.